


What if I dont want to move on?

by Littleluckkky



Category: Badboyhalo, Skeppy, Zak Ahmed - Fandom, darryl noveschosch - Fandom
Genre: BadBoyHalo - Freeform, Mentioned Darryl Noveschosch, Mentioned Zak Ahmed, Other, darryl doesnt want to move on, darryl is sad, skeppy - Freeform, the duck onesie still has his scent on it, zak is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28058064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littleluckkky/pseuds/Littleluckkky
Summary: There were those words again. Move on. He didn't want to move on. He never wanted to move on. And if anything, this onesie and the other things would only be more of a reason to not move on.
Relationships: Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 17
Kudos: 58





	What if I dont want to move on?

**Author's Note:**

> Hihi some quick warnings that I think need to be addedddd  
> 1\. Zak is dead so that might be bad  
> 2\. Mention of him dying  
> 3\. Mention of not wanting to move on and have therapy  
> 4\. sadness. crying. yeah.  
> 5\. Might be angst?? I dont really know what angst is

Based kind of off of Quackitys Stream when bad was looking at that drawing of skeppy and in puffys stream when she put on a skeppy skin.

It was the days like these when Darry missed his old best friend the most. He couldn't bare thinking about what day tomorrow would be, and how much of a mess he would be. He didn't want to think that it had almost been a year since he had last heard his bubbly voice, sent a message to him, and got a reply, things like that. Even though he didn't want to think about the one year anniversary that was to be the next day, it was the only thing on his mind.   
With the thought still in his head, he went to his room and sat up on his bed, looking dazed at the things on his computer area. One year ago at this moment, he was recording a video with him, it was for Zaks channel, not his. The video was a bedwards video, it would have been on his second channel, ‘skep’. The video never ended up being published.   
As he looked across his desk, a photo frame caught his eye. It was hidden behind his computer and a few plushies. Darryl knew exactly what it was. He knew exactly why it was hidden.   
He slowly got up, taking a few steps towards the photo, but stopping to take a deep breath. His heart pounded as he continued his way there, and as he reached it he took a seat in the gaming chair. He knew he was shaking, and he knew this would lead to another hour of sobbing, but he didn't care. He needed to see him, or what was him, just look at awhile, take it all in.   
He found himself still staring at it hours later, he knew this was a problem, and he knew that he should get some help. Go somewhere. Go to people who will listen and will help him cope, people who will help him move on. But looking at the photo in his hand, the black hair boy smiling in a yellow duck onesie, hands put to his face covering his cheeks, he didn't want to move on. He wanted a world where Zak was there, where they moved in together, baked muffins every day, hit subscriber milestones together. A world where they had met up. Except that world was gone, it would never be there. 

They had met up, or that’s what he told himself. Except for the meetup wasn't where Zak got off a plane and hugged, spending days hugging and enjoying their time together.

It was very unfortunate that the actual time they met up was when one was on his deathbed, and the other saw him take his last breath before his body went limp and he was gone forever.

Darryl forced himself to put the photo down, instead of putting it in the same place, he set it to the left of his computer, allowing him to look at it from anywhere in his room. He didn't know whether this would help him tomorrow, or make him just miss the boy more, but he would figure that out soon enough. Too soon. 

He went back to the other parts of his house, taking a seat in the kitchen and getting out his phone to scroll through Twitter. Reading the tl from people that were once a group named ‘happy twt’ it seemed they knew what tomorrow was. It surprised Darryl that people would still be in the fandom and the Twitter group a year after Zak had died. He was basically one half of the Twitter fandom. As he scrolled down through people's tweets, he only found himself growing sadder and sadder. There was supposed to be a hashtag trended tomorrow, memorials with photos and clips of him, and a few other things. None of those would bring him back. Not ever.   
So he ignored the things on the timeline, and simply retweeted fanart that had him and Clay in it.   
Maybe it was wrong for him to do, but he knew it helped to distract himself in art for the time passing. As he refreshed the page, it was clear that his activeness had cheered some people up from the sad day. He could see a few saying ‘bad's active!’ ‘at least bad is active’ and ‘if everything else is bad at least bads online :(‘ 

Later that night he laid down to sleep, surprisingly able to do it easy. The last thing he saw before being whisked away was a boy in a duck onesie. 

He awoke the next morning, an instant wave of sadness and frustration hitting him. He wished today was over, he wished that one year ago today never happened. He wished that he would be on the Dream Smp now, Zak still trying to build a ‘lesbian cottage’ for the two without him knowing. He knew. He had been watching the stream that day. He had probably re-watched that stream at least fifty times by now. It was the last time that Zak had streamed before his death. He was planning on streaming late that night, and it was going to be with Darryl. Funny how fast everything can change. 

He decided to open his phone, a bit hesitant before logging onto Twitter.

Yup.

The timeline looked exactly as he thought it would. 

Photos of him filled the entire page, two hashtags were trending. One being ‘one year’ and the other ‘we miss you’. Other YouTubers such as spifey, tapl, vurb, and even more had been tweeting.   
Maybe he was selfish for thinking it, but he felt like Zak's death had hit him the most. He felt like he had been the closest to him, even though most of the people tweeting now had known him longer than he had. He had told Zak most every detail about him, the events that occurred the day they were talking, even things that happened when he was still a child.   
He felt like Zak told him pretty much everything as well, he seemed to be able to answer every question about him when asked, and he felt like in some way they had been connected through more than their friendship. Friendship. Was that the word to call it? He would say it was. 

The day had been moving slowly, he was avoiding social media and decided to bake some muffins. He was struggling to do it though because even that reminded him of Zak. 

He had called almost every person ‘muffin’ for a while when Zak and him were just starting to become friends, but as they grew closer, he found himself only calling Zak it. Sometimes it would be ‘you are a muffin’ but others it was ‘you are my muffin’. He remembered how he once sent the boy some muffins, they were chocolate chip (only because he found a stream saying that he liked chocolate chip things) and they probably were the muffins he spent the most time on. Usually, he could do it fairly fast and they would still taste good. But when it came to the muffins he was making for Zak, he redid them at least five times. He felt that they wouldn't be good enough for his best friend, and he wanted the surprise to be perfect for him. He never wanted him disappointed. 

Zak had loved them. 

He smiled fondly at the memory, but tears started in his eyes. So he simply set down the ingredients, knowing that he would be unable to finish them without sobbing. 

Darryl took a seat on his couch, staring at the ground. This day would never be over. What time was it? He pressed the power button on his phone, the light causing him to blink. 

The lock screen read ‘12:52 PM’ causing him to sigh. This day was determined to destroy him as much as it could.   
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door and footsteps walking away. He was confused. He hadn’t ordered anything off of Amazon and he wasn’t expecting visitors.

Darryl decided to check it out, getting up and heading towards the door. As he opened it he was met by a package at his feet. His hands reached for it without thinking, and he closed the door and started inspecting it. First, who was it from? 

He turned the package and looked for a label, it surprised him. 

“From Tanya Ahmed to Darryl Noveschosh” 

Why?

Why was Zak's mother sending him a package on the day of her songs one year death anniversary? The two didn't even really know each other, it would be weird if they did. They spoke briefly at the hospital after Zak had died, and just a tiny bit at his funeral. 

Darryl didn't feel like talking much those two days, or the weeks to follow them. He stayed inside his room, not active on social media too much. There was one thing he did in those weeks, and that was his Saturday stream. The first Saturday stream he did had been two weeks after Zak had died, and it was more of to reassure the fans. By then he hadn't told them what had happened, and he didn't feel like it.   
In the end, it was four weeks after he died when they decided to come forward, he told them the death date, and how he died, leaving out some things. Twitter exploded.   
Most of the comments he had received on that tweet were them being there for him, there were a few negative people that decided to be assholes and say that he deserved to die, but he deleted those comments as soon as he saw them. 

The tweets from the days following were tough to see. They all were depressive sounding and none of the people wanted to draw, watch videos, watch other YouTubers' streams. It took a while for things to start becoming normal again, the fanart starting up again, specifically dream SMP fanart. The ‘I miss badboyhalo tweets’ all of those. He didn't think there were a lot of fandoms affected by it. Happy Twt most definitely, dttwt was partly, only because Zak talked to the dream team occasionally. Quackitytwt was affected but not too much. Zak and Quackity had started being really good friends the past two months before he died. 

Darryl realized he had been out of it, and he quickly stopped and sat back on his couch to open the package. It didn't have too much tape, so he got it open quickly.   
There was another box, it looked like something you would open for Christmas, so he tore that one open, and was met with many different things. 

A lot of it seemed like clothing, there were a few food items, a keychain was also mixed between some stuff, and then a few more items he couldn't recognize. 

He started picking through the items, and on a yellow piece of fabric, there was a note that caught his eye. He pulled it away from the stack and pushed the rest of the items to the side.   
He recognized what the yellow thing was immediately. 

The duck onesie. 

Or more specifically, the duck onesie that was Zaks, the one he had worn on stream one time, the one that at night he would facetime Darryl in. He did it purposefully, only because he knew that Darryl liked the onesie. He did, a little bit too much. The first time Zak wore it on stream he couldn't stop smiling and blushing, a mix of the two. His eyes were glued to the monitor that had Zaks stream pulled up.   
After the stream, they had sat on facetime, Zak still in his duck onesie, and they just talked. Darryl had to hide his face a few times to stop smiling and blushing. 

Darryl tore the note off of the onesie, looking at the writing. ‘Darryl, Zak told us how much you loved this, and now remembering it, especially on this day, we thought you should have it. Maybe it will help you move on a bit.’ 

There were those words again. Move on. He didn't want to move on. He never wanted to move on. And if anything, this onesie and the other things would only be more of a reason to not move on.   
He scowled and put down the note and onesie. Then grabbed the next few items. 

They were Zaks blue hoodie, a keychain that had a few items on it. The items were cute. A duck, a photo of his family, a photo of his Minecraft character, a key. There was one last item and it surprised him. A photo of Darryl. It made him feel happier, just the tiniest bit. Zak had had a photo of him on his keychain. 

Just one more reason to not move on. 

The next items to follow were cute. A plushie of his Minecraft character, which was a blue diamond with a derpy face. A duck plush that Darryl had bought him. Plushies of the idiots and a few other people. The last item was just photos of his friends that were printed out and fanart. 

Did Zak keep all these items in his room? It was sweet. 

Darryl stayed cuddled up to the items for a bit, they still had what he assumed to be Zak scent on them. He knew he would fall asleep in a nap soon, so he pulled out his phone and logged onto Twitter. Tweeting something then putting it away.

His tweet read ‘what if I don't want to move on?’

**Author's Note:**

> haha I dont really like this story and Im sure there are tones of errors but still. Also uh soon Im starting on like a 27 chapter childhood best friends to lover story and I think itll be cute. I wrote something like it in a different fandom so yeah. Anyways hoped you liked this. Not the best


End file.
